Category: Microaggressions

Screw Being Calm

BitMoji Black Woman with dreadlocks, saying "Ain't nobody got time for that." Tired of people saying how calm victims are.

Sigh…Every day I read another story about a racist harassing the Black people as they live their daily lives. Whether it’s a middle-aged White man with high shorts threatening a pregnant black woman or a ditzy blonde White woman harassing a worker at Dollar General, there’s always someone trying to help Black people understand they shouldn’t be living. Once the story shows up on Twitter, one of the first sentences I see in the comments from well-meaning White People are, “I’m so amazed at how calm they are [with this racist]” or “ I can’t believe how calm they were with that bad person!“ (I won’t even go into the advice they start to give about how much taping we should do and the proper authorities the call.)


“Not-All” Disclaimer: Yes these comments may have come from Black people as well. However, based on what’ve I’ve seen personally, most of the time it’s from white people.

T.Lanette
Bitmoji Black Woman with Dreadlocks tossing her desk out of frustration after reading too many "calm" comments.

When I see these comments it makes me angry. You have a racist person attacking a Black person going about their day, and the first thing you notice is how calm the victim appears? Do you understand how stupid that sounds? There are reasons we need to remain calm. That doesn’t mean we’re not angry inside. 

Continue reading “Screw Being Calm” →
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Tweet Victimhood Has Spread

Black Woman with locs Bitmoji with title "Ain't Nobody Got Time for That!"

I came across a tweet tonight. It caught my eye because it had actress Valerie Bertinelli. I am proud to say I watched the original One Day At A Time through all its seasons. The reboot is on some channel now. However, I’m an “Original Show Snob.” With all of the brain science surrounding learning and improved medical information, there is no reason to redo famous television shows. But I went left…Anyway, back to Ms. Bertinelli.

She looked awesome! This woman hadn’t aged a day! In fact, I almost tweeted that she had Black-Don’t-Crack genes. But it was Twitter, and I didn’t need the hurt feelings brigade. Well…it still came.

The woman I was replying to (a White Woman) said, “We’re the same age.” I’m going to pause for a minute…Umm…I wasn’t expecting that response because my tweet didn’t require that response. Umm…

WTF??? So…just me tweeting this woman triggered her “Woe Is Me What About Me White Woman” response? Really? Her age didn’t matter because…It was about Valerie Bertinelli! But, of course, I approached her softly. I used my “How To Navigate White Person World” tools (the ones I was raised with),  to respond to her tweet…

Well, obviously, she was too deep into her hurt feelings and experiencing faux embarrassment from a random tweeter, that she muted me. She…muted…me…? So, to recap, this woman had hurt feelings because I didn’t recognize she was the same age as Ms. Bertinelli. Sigh… I used the “Black Person Tool of Making It Easy” so she wouldn’t be hurt. White ??woman ??muted ??me ??anyway.

Fam, I commented on how young Bertinelli looked and this woman (who doesn’t know me from her twat) got OFFENDED because I didn’t recognize she was the same age. ? I was commenting as a “Woman of a Certain Age” who is dealing with body changes at 49. Wait…

My reply doesn’t matter…My reply isn’t the problem. This woman’s false hurt was the problem. I don’t have time for false victimhood on social media!

Ugh…After 24 years of working with mostly White Women and now dealing with their false sense of power after Trump was elected, I realize that the change in air quality can affect their victimhood. (This last year has been worse than the previous 23 years.) But to have a woman get offended by not recognizing she’s the same age as Bertinelli…That’s just peak fragility.

 

 

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